Do you know what guys love best about introductions? We get to brag about ourselves to people who haven’t had to hear it before.
So you’ll understand that this arrangement is sweet for me and kind of sucks for you: I get to tell you about me without interruptions.
My name’s Guy Fresh and I’m just a guy who, well, likes to keep things fresh—at work, at home, and in all facets of my life. What am I doing here? Well I am here to show you how to tackle tough situations and how you can live the fresh life too.
Look, we’re guys, and if there’s a mess to be made, we’re going to make it. As a male species, our problem has never been avoiding the mess—that, my friends, is largely impossible—our issue comes in having no damn clue how to clean it up properly. I’m here to tell you how to fix your problems without leaving a trace. I’m here to show you the Fresh Way.
If you are stuck and seeking an answer on how to rectify a situation, but can’t find what you’re looking for in an overwhelming, polluted sea of one-size-fits-all, inane online advice columns written by Captain Obvious, I am here to help. Don’t look to Google. Look to Guy.
You: I’m going to host a 4th of July get together at my pad.
Me: Great idea!
You: That was fun!
Me: I told you it was a great idea!
You: I went to sleep without cleaning up and now my place is dirty and smells like stale beer & hotdogs.
This is definitely bad. But the good news is that you can still live a very happy and normal life. I’ll make it extremely simple for you:
Step 1: Recycle all of the beer cans. This is the saddest part and must be taken care of first. Note: this will go faster if you don’t cry every time you find a beer can that is open but 95% full.
Step 2: Throw out all of the food. Wait why is there so much food left over? Did you overestimate how many friends you have? Do you suck at cooking? Never mind, I don’t care, just pick up the food.
Step 3: Now that you have the physical mess cleaned up, you will notice that the smell of hot garbage is still present, and just as hard to get rid of the random guy on the couch who told you he was only staying “for like one night, max.” Use Fresh Wave Spray. A few quick sprays in the problem areas of the pad and you will eliminate—not just mask—the odors once and for all. Then you’re finished. Actually, you might want to go over to your neighbors and apologize. Then you’re finished.
Until next time, Stay Fresh.