Chances are, when you were a small child, you dreamed of capturing championship glory on this particular Sunday, when all of America turns its attention to football’s grandest stage. Unfortunately, these dreams fell apart when, at the last moment, you weren’t exactly amazing at football.
Well, I have good news for you: Your shot at glory is still alive and well—albeit on the other side of the TV screen. As you may well know, every year, the most talked about aspect of The Big Game amongst friends in the weeks leading up to it is not the game itself; rather, friends are desperately trying to figure out who is going to host the best game-day party and what food they will inhale.
You’re an MVP performance away from having this super soiree on lockdown for years to come. Here’s the playbook:
It is not appropriate to wear the jersey of a team not playing in the game. That logic is akin to thinking it’d be cool to wear a Nickelback t-shirt to a Drake concert. To be clear: that would not be cool.
There is great temptation as a host to blow everyone away with an elaborate meal for which you can take sole credit. Do not do this. Big meals lead to food comas, which lead to boring parties. Keep it to finger food.
Also, skip the keg. It’s a pain to haul around and you will look like a bouncer at a frat party collecting cash from guests. The BYOB method has been around since the Stone Age for a reason.
Here’s an important fact for you to accept up front: If you host a party, you are agreeing to have less fun. Not zero fun, but a little less fun. You have to worry about stuff like food preparation, keeping rival fans on opposite sides of the room, making sure no one accidently lets your cat escape, etc., etc.
One problem that often arises is with all the guests crammed into one room to watch the game, the party begins to smell like the postgame locker room. Offensive odor is a party foul of the 15-yard variety. Luckily for you, there’s an easy defense: Fresh Wave. Light one Odor Removing Candle in the kitchen and place a couple of Odor Eliminating Gels in the living room and you are set. Defense wins championships.
It is your party, and therefore your responsibility to make sure that everyone is silent during the commercials. Right or wrong, some people find the commercials more entertaining than the game. Throwing a cool party means pleasing all parties.
See? Being a hero isn’t nearly as hard as you thought. Just remember to thank me during the postgame interview.